I am in limbo.
The Directorate of Immigration has been holding my passport since March 20th, 30 days and counting, under the pretext of granting me a visa, a process that is suppose to take 3 days. Unfortunately the length of their decision making process has not been the only drama involved in this adventure which includes an initial flat out rejection of our paperwork (I am unqualified to teach here because I do not have a degree in education), the final acceptance of our paperwork, a delay in granting the visa (until we could turned in our education degrees - again - as if I can just pull one of those out of my back pocket), the approval of our visa, going into to the office to pick up an approved visa to hear "oh just kidding, we made a mistake, come back later," national holidays and the week of commemoration where things shut down, and an ignoring of our calls and emails as we attempt to get in touch with them to ask what is going on. Drama.
I don't know if they lost our passports and don't want to admit it. Or if they are annoyed that we are connected to Catholic priests and so they are dragging their feet (the Catholic Church having lost much of their credibility here for both participating in the genocide - some priests were responsible for turning their fleeing and afraid congregations over to the death squads instead of protecting them (though there are certainly martyrs, the Jesuits were some of the first attacked and killed here on the 2nd or 3rd day of violence) and at the same time because the Church literally abandoned the country. Many priests fled or if they were forgeign nationals were pulled out of Rwanda by their own governments leaving the carnage). Or maybe they are mad that we circumvented the usual process by going higher up, not taking no for an answer. Or maybe, and very likely, we are just the victims of larger political power plays that we do not understand. Rwanda needs less and less help from the outside these days. They have come incredibly far in the last 20 years to rebuild their country, not just as it was, but better than it was. The government is cracking down on granting visa to Westerners. It is becoming harder and harder for Muzungos (white people), which Tim and I certainly are, to get visas.
Being someone who likes following rules it makes me uncomfortable to be in a foreign country and not have a passport on me, to not have proper documentation, to not be able to prove that it is okay for me to be here. I have nothing beyond a copy of my passport and my driver's license. My entry visa has expired during this process.
I feel trapped.
I cannot leave this country whether I want to or not.
It is hard to leave the city even in the off chance that "today is the day!" It is hard to leave the city because 2-3 hours in every direction is a border into another country and it is just not a good idea to be near a border without a passport. It is hard to leave the city because ID is required everywhere. Going to the library here in the city I had to give up my driver's liscense just to get in ( and it would've been my passport if I had had it). To get a SIM card for my phone I had to show my passport. If you leave center where I stay after 7:30pm, you have to check out, and they ask for your passport number.
I waver daily between my (ever-decreasing,as his process continues) desire to stay and my desire to go home. If I have to leave then I would like to move on with my life and make new plans, but I have planned to stay, to finish out the school year, to see my commitment through. If they don't want me here than I will leave, but oh wait I can't. I am physically stuck within the borders of this small country until I get my passport back.
It is break right now, 3 weeks off school. I planned to travel the country. I wanted to see things. It is the longest break we have, we have a shorter 2 week break in the summer and that is it. We arrived a week before school started and jumped right in, there was no time to explore, to adjust, no acclimation period. After 13 weeks of working and working, teaching and learning, exhaustion and constantly saying to myself and others "I am going over break when I have time. I will see it over break, when I finally have time." It is break now, but all those plans have fallen through without the paperwork. Our closest friends are the priests here who really do look out for us. They encourage us to explore and offer transportation, company, or their connections when possible, which has been very generous of them. They have no obligation to invest themselves in us, but even their generosity falters with our lack of paperwork. One of the priests was going to take Tim and I to the SW corner of the country for Easter, near the Burundi and DRC borders. The night before we were leaving, the trip was cancelled. They were not, in the end, comfortable taking us without paperwork, especially not so close to the borders, and so we are stuck yet again now with no Easter plans. I certainly don't blame the priests and I understand their reluctance, in fact I am fairly certain they are as disappointed about not going as we are.
I feel held back.
I am in limbo.
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